Wednesday, August 30, 2006

growing up is hard to do.
university is kinda tough, too.

within a span of a few short days, i feel like i've been through so much. too much for my yet-to-be mature heart and mind to take. being in ntu; being in hall - i see so many faces, familiar and less familiar ones. familiar ones like how i bumped into peiling on the bus today and it was easy to jus go HANAR to her loudly on the bus. less familiar ones like yunshan, whose name i found it even impossible to recall initially.

but even familiar ones can grow unfamiliar sometimes. its funny even the closest people can make you feel distant. like how they jus seem totally disinterested in talking to you, or engaging in anything with you. i hate how i have to try to bring up stupid things to try to get them to talk, only to get nonchalant replies. i hate to be found alone in hall, doing nothing but facing my metallic machine of a communicator.

but most of all, i hate having to face tmr. i have no courage, i admit it. jus thinking abt tmr now wells up tears. most would say that with today's technology, distance is really not distance anymore; like far is the new near. but, no, this is not going to apply to me. hearing her voice through the headphones or maybe even seeing her through a screen is not going to make up for the terrible fact that she is still gna hundreds and thousands of miles away. and the sad part of it all is, that i really can't do anything abt it, other than to send her away with all my love, well-wishes and most of all, support.

but i guess this is what life entails. growing up, watching people come and people go. growing up, watching loved ones venture out to try to make their dreams work. growing up, watching the realities of life slowly creeping its way into ur life.

i feel like i jus dun have the courage. nor the drive.

11:29 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

29th aug. 4.41pm. reaching the end of the day. reaching 30th aug. reaching 31 aug. reaching ah tay's departure.

meeting ah tay and the girls in a while. last meeting before we send her off at the airport. rejoice abt meeting, or mourn abt her leaving?

feel like dying already.

4:42 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Saturday, August 26, 2006

alrights. im reporting live frm costa sands, pasir ris, where the TOP SECRET plan is being carried out. or shld i say, already carried out. g, titu and i succeeded in tricking ah tay all the way to pasir ris not to cycle, not to sleepover at my hse, but to present her with 'jianing SUPPLIES!'. hahaha. we're such geniuses, seriously. but it was no clockwork w/o any hardwork alright. we almost died doing everything. frm trying to book the chalet on a suitable date; to making sure she will be free; to thinking how to make up for loopholes; and how to make her bring the swimsuit; to making the prized movie.

but it was all worth it, even if ah tay didn't cry after watching the movie! (BLEH) lots of laughter even now at this unearthly time, while we're playing stupid things like call the name and 4th-level pig. (?!) kinda surreal, too, since it's probably one of the last times we're gna have a thing like this.

ah tay, i already cannot imagine what is it gna be like one week from today. as your close friend, i'd of cus want the best for you. but you as my close friend, i wldnt wan you to go anywhr further than 1 mrt stop away frm me. :( now i'll have to change the 'mrt stop' to '1 airflight' (or maybe even 2) away from me.

but until then, we'll have the time of our life.
right here, right now.

2:05 am
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

the good news: i've got my laptop!
the bad: im not gna use it yet.

why? simply cus the external hard disk is short, so i can't mass teleport all my files to the laptop. which means it will not be virus/spyware-protected; vobsub/real/codec-enabled; nor will it be bookmarks/favourites-included. which means it's pretty much empty. HAHA. so a computer is not wonders for me after all - it's the content. but STILL, it is something.

the even worse news: speech & presentation class in half hour.
possible fave movie/aesop's fables later. BOO. aiyah heck. jus go there and get it over and done with - its not graded anyway.

the very very good news: sleepover with the gals this weekend!
we're going cycling in the east! not a place that i'd usually prefer to frequent, since its insanely far and inaccessible. on top of the fact that i now reside on the west coast. but still, it's time with the gals. with which, i have the introduce the

extremely extremely bad news: ah tay is going off next week! :(((
sighs time like passed damn fast since u told us man. especially when we're all starting to get busy and got no time to go out tgt. hope got another terrorist attack thing and u cannot go! HAHA.

12:19 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Friday, August 18, 2006

things i do not like to do:

1. being in ulu-bahbah-ness w/o any forms of entertainment.
2. having to go grocery-shopping as a form of entertainment.
3. waiting for shuttle bus c. sai!
4. going to parts of sch where there is c-r-o-w-d.
5. having to decide what to wear everyday. give me uniform.
6. going to jurong point.
7. smelling the chocolate smell at boonlay interchange.
8. aesop's fables. HUR.
9. having to lock my room each time i come out. i wan open-door policy.

i'll update the list if there's anything else. give me toa payoh.
im booking out tonight. :))

12:33 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

right about now, normal people like me shld be digging into some good dinner. like black carrot cake. like hokkien mee. or some deep fried chicken wings. WITH good company. BUT I AM A POOR THING. i am alone in hall, with no company for dinner! *cues awwww* fiona has gone for taekwondo; yogs has gone to celebrate her birthday with fellow rowing people; feebs is at home, and ... AH why shld i name more to further agitate myself.

today was a rather starving day. reason being, i didnt wna crawl up frm my bed until it was essentially crucial that i did so cus i'd otherwise be late for tutorial. so i didnt have any breakfast.

then i had a 1.5 hr break before speech&presentation class started. but since ntu is so vastly HUGE, i assumed that trying to find my way to the canteen, queue up with the crowd for food, eat, and find my way back, was too much stress. the last thing i wan is to feel rushed and stressed that im running late AND THEN go into class sweating like a pig. BAH.

and to the my sisterhood frm acs: HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOGS DARLING!! gosh its damn sweet that i met you again in cs. some things are jus extraordinary and cannot-be-explained. things are a lot sweeter and tastier with you girls arnd. :)) have lotsa fun tonight outside ok! love ya!

and now that that's done, i'll return to the hall room in solitude, lookin fwd to my 1-course cup noodle dinner. :x

7:14 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Monday, August 14, 2006

it's a a bird. no, it's a plane. no actually, it's ME online! on a weekday, in school, w/o my (haven't arrived yet) laptop!! M-I-R-A-C-L-E. haha me and yogs decided to jus check out the cs library during our break time, and guess what we found?!? nicely propped up desktops with flat screen AND internet access!! best thing that's happened since i (booked) into hall. so now, i can happily sit here in the quiet and un-crowded library and bask in my favourite pastime - surfing the net. UNTIL "doomsday" comes and i have to go for tutorial. im super ultra sian now cus later got naughty class, a.k.a speech & presentation.

breakfast was sausage mcmuffin. lunch was doubledecker chicken crackers, 2 cookies, 1 can of minute maid and another can of lemon tea. sighs. confessions of a uni student stuck in ulu-bahbah-ness. sights: hills, steps, followed by more hills and steps. sounds: live firing from the forest which technically is just right beside me. 'nuff said.

well at least i've got nice company.
acs = csbombs. :)

1:10 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Saturday, August 12, 2006

hello, civilization. i've "booked-out" for the weekend - i'm officially a free person for the next 2 days. though it's probably gonna be a jam-packed weekend with family activities and work to catch up with, im jus really happy to be back amongst people in central singapore, and not like jurongpoint. gosh i think i've went to jurong point more times in the past 2 weeks than in the past 19 years that i've lived.

watched click! today. didn't think i'd like the show so much, but OMG click! is super nice! i mean it isnt everyday you get a comedy whereby you've got family elements in it (like cheaper by the 12), and the show IS good lor. gosh last 15 mins of the show i think i was jus crying lahh. all y'all out there who haven't caught it, go, NOW. it's hilarious when it's hilarious; darn sweet when it's sweet; and jus heart-wrenching when it is. I LOVE CLICK. click click click!

cs816 a.k.a information literacy is jus... un-understandable. think i was jus a few steps away frm really considering whether the prof was teaching in like tagalog or spanish or smthg. it is a CANNORT lor! and it completely didnt help that my stomach was practising growls then. yes, towards the end he started to make some sense... but STILL?! seriously, HUR.

it's been a gruelling first week of sch, even if the week essentially means 2 days only. its very taxing lor, seriously. i have absolutely no idea how im gna take the weeks and mths to come, and even less clue abt how to handle monday's bb&bb very naughty lesson w/o my bb&bb text. GG. jus have to take each day as it comes, i guess.

will you still love me in the morning?
forever & ever, babe. :)

12:07 am
mayhemisphere;
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Thursday, August 10, 2006

it has officially become 10 aug, the day im supposed to return to hall. right, it's only for one night since im coming back again on friday. BUT nxt week onwards it's gna be straight whole weeks already. im very, extremely, humongously, dreading it. yes, having stopped school for so many mths, there was an initial urge to get my brain juices churning again. but all of a sudden it jus doesnt seem natural. extremely un-"oh so natural to me". HELP! i wna jus bum arnd at home not doing anything constructive. i wna jus bum arnd and watch my hk show korean show. even if its hindi movie also can lah. i jus dun wna go and face the lecturers who seem like they are very geh-gao type. and certainly not the super kan cheong and competitive people that are all arnd. i noe they're the streamed creme de la creme people. i dun wna feel compelled and forced to be kiasu! i jus wna be ME.

all these growing up is irritating me. doesn't like it. :(

12:37 am
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

in the words of (bobby) lim chee harn, sch is horrigible. after all but 3 lectures, i feel horrigibly stressed out like mad. first up, shuttle bus c is either on a strike or its bus frequency is totally out of sorts. on top of feeling like im gna be late, i hear pple going like 'did you do the assignment that we're supposed to get ready by today?'; followed by 'did you get the bb&bb textbook and read chapter 1 to 4?'. HUR. i am seriously traumatized within minutes of stepping into sch lorr. then virtually everyone starts to scribble things when prof cherian was jus giving the introduction to the course! even if i seriously thought there was nothing to copy or take note of, i couldnt help but feel compelled to write something down. and so, yonghui had the honour of writing '7 aug 2006, sch of comm & info, intro to journalism & publishing.' even then, it didnt seem enough. people around me were like filling PAGES of foolscap with idunnowhat.

to make things worse. everywhere is like crowded. the shuttle bus, the computer shop, the canteen, jus EVERYWHERE lah. AND, we had to find our way around. the trip to student services centre is HORRIGIBLE. my gosh. that place is the worst place to go cus it has no bus whatsoever. suggestion to ntu: you might wna start a bus route that goes directly to student services centre. we were like hiking our way around on hills and slopes?! AND THEN we had to find our way to speech & presentation class at LT11. huh? by the time we were there, (verynaughty)x10 had already started and we were like sinners for walking in 5 minutes late. and thus started the stress of readings, bb&bb, and aesop's fables. i do not noe what is aesop's fables!! i only noe archie, betty & veronica, calvin & hobbes and maybe peanuts. nxt tutorial i have to tell a story from aesop's fables?! HUR.

in conclusion, i DOESN'T like all these pressure all of a sudden.
i need happy food, happy things, happy people, FAST.
im back home for the holiday, at least that's a start.

2:33 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Sunday, August 06, 2006

the weekend is passing horrifyingly fast. before i know it, its sunday and tonight i have to be back in hall preparing for the early morning lectures on monday. and do i have to read the syllabus outlines and prepare readings or whatsoever? i don't know, and i'm pretty sure i don't have the time nor the mood to do it. i wanna enjoy whatever time left in civilization i have today, before i go back to ulu bah bah-ness.

i feel like a ns-boy who is trying to push off book-in time lorr. instead of the 'what's the training later ah?' i'd probably be going 'who's lecturing later?' or 'what's to prepare for tutorial?'. i can feel it already - my brain and body is rejecting the studious lifetsyle all over again. but i can't really do anything other than put up a mental protest.

let's hope i begin to embrace the student life as soon as possible.

12:10 am
mayhemisphere;
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Saturday, August 05, 2006

i survived my first night in hall. it wasn't all that bad - unpacking, organizing, tidying and all is really my niche. surviving w/o my beloved ben-nana wasn't. neither was surviving w/o a computer. and it really was quite a dilemma at night. fiona fell asleep with NO problems whatsoever. she didnt even hear the phone ring abt 1 minute after her head touched the pillow. that's right, she belongs to the "touch-pillow-gone" community. me? i spent most of the night tossing and turning, mostly on my right side cause the light on the left was a lil too bright. im used to sleeping on my left on my stomach, with ben-nana nicely tucked underneath. im used to the cool air from the aircon circulating the room. im used to a comforter blanket instead of a towel for a blanket. im used to too many things that spell H-O-M-E. well get used to it, cus that'll be home for the nxt two mth at least.

all those welcome lectures were dead boring. i ALREADY can imagine myself snoozing away in lectures. lectures, tutorials and assignments SERIOUSLY feels too far and foreign. can i jus slack the rest of my life away? any remaining enthusiasm within me has been washed away by all the talks of readings and the stupid process of add/drop subjects. i CANNORT understand what's the deal with all the minors and all lorr! can jus give me timetable every single semester and i'll stick to it? right now next monday seems like a nightmare already. EXTREME, EXTREME monday blues lorr. first lesson day after 7 mths and i have a day jump-starting at 9am and ending ONLY at 6.30pm. that is a HUGE, HUGE CANNORT. anyone wna be my monday blues buddy? we can whine our way thru the day.

my first m-18 show with the sci gang today. and my most yuan wang $8 ever spent on a movie lorr. liews 15 mins into the show and i already had a bad feeling abt the $8 that is already not with me anymore and nvr will be. talk abt low budget shows. i thought lady in the water was bad. hard candy is worse. 5 actors, 3 of whom probably only had max 5 lines. all shot within a house. meaningless, meaningless, psychotic show. with an insane ending too. give me a chick flick anytime. i'd gladly take it. think the best part of the movie was when the ~~fat~~ guy sitting a few rows down started to snore. it was HILARIOUS. from time to time, even when the main actor is perspiring his shirt away in pain, this funny patron will start to shift his head a lil, then snores start to emerge again. CANNORT.

and we girls finally met up again today. sure, trying to plan a get-together nowadays is unimaginably tough - what with gracie's exams and our sch staff all coming tgt. but time tgt, especially now, means so much to me. even its jus some cheapo dinner at a warm, crowded place and doing nthg other than tv again later. time spent tgt, is after all, time spent tgt. the nxt time we meet up again will probably be the last time we have a gathering before ah tay goes off. its tough to even think abt it lorr seriously. we very funnily christened er ge (and da ge) with christian names, namely, ERGE and DAGE. how creative, arent we? :DD

my weekend is filled with happy things mainly. sleep and more sleep. meetup with 32/04 peeps. joesaphine's birthday party. but the impending things that come after that still cloud over my happy weekend. and its ruining everything. :(

12:43 am
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

i thought i liked doing admin things. until the rush of admin things to handle in recent weeks overtook my liking for it. all of a sudden the deadlines to meet (like paying my hostel rent on time) and things to rmb (like the need to change ur network password within 7 days) and things to do (like applying for pcloan)... the list jus goes on. there's a small fear that hides behind - of not doing something i need to do, by a certain time and in a certain way that it should be done. it's really weird. it's only been abt 8 mths since i've done anything academic and it feels so foreign already. before i know it, school will officially be starting. and it's really no small issue for me. it's like tertiary finally.

there's a sense of achievement, a sense of pride that i actually made it here. a huge sense of anticipation of what might be coming my way in the upcoming four years. the things that i will learn, the hurdles i'll have to cross, the growing that i have to do. and yet, a heavy burden of responsibility to perform - up to my own expectations and up to my own definitions of making others arnd me proud of me. but i have a feeling it'll be a milestone-ish 4 years ahead. with lotsa new things. like new friends, to start with.

acs/scgs/fhm is quite happening. seoul garden, check. gloria jeans', check. ben & jerry's, check. food court, check. subway, check. kbox, check. cafe cartel, check. macdonalds, check. sushi, check. movie, check. all these within 2 weeks of camp huh. aren't we something. yeah our wallets are pretty fablous(ly thin) too. its hawker frm now on, guys.

checked out my room today. its pretty alright... after some shifting of furniture to look more acceptable. couldnt help but feel extremely glad that daddy was there to help me shift, and make the (wasted) trip to 8flags. im pretty sure im gna miss home after i go to hall, since im quite a homey girl. weekends shld probably be happy days frm now on, and tgif will really be tgif. nxt few days will be major cleaning, major shifting and major adjustments.

guess that's how life is.
"some pages turned, some bridges burned,
but they were lessons learned."

12:49 am
mayhemisphere;
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