Wednesday, November 23, 2005

im hardly a crowd-follower - not an advocate of the herd instinct. but can't help but blog abt what everyone else is blogging abt -- the a's are officially over. well it wasn't something that i was leaping and rejoicing about outside the exam hall... its jus a big burden off my shoulders i guess. 2 years of toil, day in day out, finally comes to a close now. it's hard to know how to even react to the end of the a's... it jus seems next to natural that i should rush home to start mugging all over again. nonetheless, im really glad it's all over. no matter how tough it's been, no matter how badly it seems im going to do... it's all over.

things dun seem to get better after the a's though... like i said, a big gigantic bomb dropped on me immediately after my last paper. something that came as a total shock, something totally unexpected, but also something that i can't change. from sheer shock, to anger, to understanding... turbulent journey in a short span of 2 days. even though it doesn't really concern me directly, it's still of utter importance, becus it concerns my loved one. girl, we all jus dun wan u to be hurt becus of a moment of folly. it seems ur happy now, and i do hope this happiness continues. even if it doesn't, we'll still be there for u. even though i noe that i'd really want to kok you on the head, give you a big dressing down and say "see i told you right?!?". no girl, jus like how one can nvr deny a kin... we do the same to u. jus be xing fu. haeng-bok!

went to see emily today. even though it was probably only abt a quarter of sec4purity there at the small hospital ward, it really was a heartening sight. a group of gals separated into different schools and environment for 2 years, still able to come together and laugh like hyenas, and still make fun of hanwan like we used to. we've been separated for 2 years and we're still able to be like old times... i dun even see things like that in the environment that i've been in for 2 years despite being together physically. it's heartening, it really is. emily dear, get well soon k! we'll have another get-together after you recover. and we'll ge kong sao yang then! :)

now that i no longer have to stress over exams and studies... perhaps it's time to put my life in order. the hurricanes and typhoons that's come and gone, sweeping the order and stillness in my life away... it's time to pick up the pieces and sort out the mess, one... by... one.

1:22 am
mayhemisphere;
........
Friday, November 18, 2005

it seems the worst has past. well not technically, since i still have another history paper to get thru on monday. that means another 3 gruelling hours of 4 four-page essays, sore arms, cold sweat, and not to mention the burden of having to get thru another week. but at least... i get to enjoy the benefit of a few days of break before monday's paper. unlike what i've had the past few days - total madness and immense stress.

its an uphill route for the a lvls. from feeling ok... things have only gotten worse. im dun feel like im exaggerating when i say that the papers this year are all so tough. convincing yourself and knowing that you've tried your best jus doesn't suffice. don't know how man... still got one more to go. at the end of it all, will the burden of the a lvls really be lifted off my shoulder? i have serious doubts.

exams aside, i've been watching dae jang geum as planned everyday. its actually a blessing i dun have the dvds, cause if i do... i prolly dun need to study alr. haha, but getting my hands on the dvds soon, so i can watch after the exams all at one shot, just like how i like it. everyday mus wait until this time then can watch that episode is miserable. but today's episode was super sad lah. why mus the good people always end up dead!?!? insufferable. now its only jung shang gong... lady han shang gong die i sure tiao lao alr. how?!?

12:07 am
mayhemisphere;
........
Monday, November 07, 2005

the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not flunk;
he keeps me from lying down when i should be studying,
he leads me besides the water cooler for a study break,
he restores my faith in study guides.
he leads me to better study habits
for my grades' sake.
even though i walk thru the valley of borderline grades,
i will not have a nervous breakdown;
for thou art with me;
my prayers and friends, they comfort me.
thou gives me answers in moments of blankness;
thou anoints my head with understanding.
my test paper runneth over with questions i recognize
surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
all the days of examinations.
and i shall not have to dwell in this school forever
amen!

9:42 pm
mayhemisphere;
........
Thursday, November 03, 2005

anointing oil, anointing oil
fall down upon my life
fresh anointing oil
anointing oil, anointing oil
fall down upon my life
make me a sacrifice
until all my heart and strength
are one with the Lord.

10:13 pm
mayhemisphere;
........