Wednesday, April 27, 2005

obstacles don't have to stop you.
if you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
figure out how to climb it,
go through it, or work around it.
-michael jordan

talk about a rough day man. had the worst day ever. my world started to crash ever since the first period of the day. well seeing ~~that person~~ early in the morning can't really count since i have to face ~~that person~~ as long as im in school. then had to discover that i failed my math common test yet again. when am i going to finally pass?? i feel so sick of myself. why is it that i jus can't seem to get math right? and the worst thing is i was told to 'buck up, when the fact is i don't feel that im slacking. in fact, i think im working reasonably hard! and its not like i totally didnt study at all for this test. i dunno lah. all the people around me passed and passed well... and im still stuck with a single digit. i chose math in jc simply cause i wanted to get it right.

why can't i??? feeling very, very, lousy.
and everything just didnt seem to go well the rest of the day. when i was sitting in the library with the girls in class i almost cried. but well i didnt want to, so i held it back. the last thing i wan is to let something break my back and start wallowing all over again. now im totally worn out because of guitar class that lasted 2.5 hours. fingers are numb from playing, and my eyes can barely open. yet i still have a pile of work waiting for me to clear. it just all seems like a vicious cycle. and im no longer sure of getting myself into a local uni. i jus feel so incapable now.

oh ya, and i shouted at ~~that person~~ today. not really yelled at ~~that person~~, but i jus couldnt sit by and watch ~~that person~~ degrade another person. you noe, it's one thing if you wanna boost ur own ego and feel good about yourself. i totally understand how some people are just full of themselves. but mind you, don't kill someone's pride while doing that! totally disgusted and grossed out by ~~that person~~'s behaviour and attitude. some people jus think that they're the best in everything. DISGUSTING.

how am i going to get by? the days to my birthday are drawing closer and closer, and i just seem to become more downcast by the day. is this year's birthday really going to be a living disaster?

10:39 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

wednesday
1. math permutation/combination ca
2. tuition with yeejing
3. guitar class

thursday
1. pe + sports day (crap!)

friday
1. aj idol finals
2. steamboat/movie marathon @ aunt sheela's

saturday
1. rest (:)... bliss.)
2. go to grandma's house @ shunfu

sunday (a.k.a ????!)
1. church service
2. dinner with cousins @ fish&co

what an exciting week huh. :)

10:06 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Monday, April 25, 2005

seems like the longest time since i could come home and actually have a breather instead of pia-ing homework. all thanks to my 3 days of ultimate muggness over the past weekend. im totally worn out and im pretty sure i screwed up the econs test today. i mean it's like not only was extract 1 and extract 2 like contradictory... extract 1 itself also like contradictory! got so confused while doing it i just sorta started to blank out gradually. and in making sure that my marker has legible and pleasant handwriting to read... well i jus didn't have enough time lahh. ughs. pretty pissed cause i spent the whole of the weekend mugging but i STILL don't have time to study for the test and im STILL going to screw it up. poor mrs low - i wish you all the best in marking my script.

im so glad that the long weekend is coming right up. though before that i do have to get thru the draggy AFTERNOON sports day... and then haha laugh it off during aj idol on friday. although i do have to go thru the agony of watching the reason. blech! ah i jus yakking crap right now. because i have a lot of things on my mind and i can't sort it out! :(

10:43 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

i like the way you wanted me
every night for so long
i like the way you needed me
every time things got rocky
i was believing in you
was I mistaken do you say
do you say what you mean
i want our love to last forever

i like the way you'd hold me
every night for so long
and i like the way you'd say my name
in the middle of the night
while you were sleeping
i was believing in you
was I mistaken
do you mean, do you mean what you say
when you say our love could last forever

you would run around and lead me on forever
while I wait at home thinking that we're together
i wanted our love to last forever

well I'd rather you be mean, than love and lie
i'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow - at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow

i wonder. i wonder if the supposedly important 18th birthday will turn out awry and unbearble every second of it. but still... i'd rather have the truth than go thru the pain when lies are revealed.

3:22 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

came back from school feeling like i have a lot of things to blog about... but now, im kinda like speechless.

a rather bad day today, plagued by the issues of money, money, money. first of all, had to pay for arts faculty shirt. that i dun mind, really... asked daddy for the money to pay for it. then received sms that those who were organising this year's sports day are compelled to pay for a shirt that the organising committee will wear on that day. it's rather stupid, really. think about it, paying 13 bucks to pay for a 'dri-fit' shirt that you will wear for one day on one single occasion? what's the constructiveness in it? sure, we need to be identified and singled out from the masses... but surely there is another form of identification? simply put, why can't we jus wear the aj pe shirt when everybody else will be wearing house tee? heard of tags? heard of colour code shirts? why is the school and system so incredibly rigid? can't we make some modifications so that it'll be easier for everybody? im gonna fight for my rights -- going to talk to mr alex lee tmr.

then came the news to pay $50 for the team jersey and 'miscellaneous' fees such as printing fees and birthday cake. im like... thanks ah. though i wanted the jersey, it came rather appalling to me to know that i had to pay $31.50 for it. well ok it pinches but im still willing cus after all, it is adidas. lol. then what printing fees and birthday cake fees could amount to almost 20 bucks? decided to seek mr tan about it... well thanks ah, he managed to blow it up for me again. was rather pissed by weiqi about it, cus she came digging out all the 'money that i owe her'. well, yes, i do owe her money, but i genuinely forgot about that 5 bucks? and it's totally ridiculous that i had to pay for a barbecue which i did not attend. forget about that. what about the rest? what's their remaining 18.50 about? she tried to break down for me to see... but i jus didnt want to hear it anymore. shove the 52 dollars into her hands, and walked away. im not trying to be sore about the money that i have to pay! i jus wanted to noe what i was paying for! and the reaction i got? "nvm if u dun have enough, i can help to chip in for u." im like... hello?? that was insulting, thank you very much.

so that makes it almost 80 bucks that im paying for college based shirts. other than the arts fac tee, im gonna pay the rest out of my own pocket money... well it really pinches. and i'll probably be caught feasting on breadcrumbs toward the end of the month... but i really dun wanna ask for more money unless really needed. dad's working real hard, so is mum. it jus doesnt justify it all lahh. i can survive... i'll make sure i do. oh yeah, mum is back. which is good. discovered that i like it when she's back, u noe. all of a sudden there'll be someone who smses you things like "it's raining, are you caught?" and asking "had ur dinner?". it warms my heart that she sacrifices her karaoke sessions for half an hour to pick me up and send me home. and it's absolutely great that we're gonna go to ding tai feng this weekend for a hearty meal. lol.

that's quite an entry for a day already. i shall keep my peace... for now.

8:06 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I'll Never Understand My Wife
By Steven James

I'll never understand my wife.
The day she moved in with me, she started opening and closing my kitchen cabinets, gasping, "You don't have any shelf paper! We're going to have to get some shelf paper in here before I move my dishes in."
"But why?" I asked innocently.
"To keep the dishes clean," she answered matter-of-factly. I didn't understand how the dust would magically migrate off the dishes if they had sticky blue paper under them, but I knew when to be quiet.
Then came the day when I left the toilet seat up.
"We never left the toilet seat up in my family," she scolded. "It's impolite."
"It wasn't impolite in my family," I said sheepishly.
"Your family didn't have cats."

In addition to these lessons, I also learned how I was supposed to squeeze the toothpaste tube, which towel to use after a shower and where the spoons are supposed to go when I set the table. I had no idea I was so uneducated.
Nope, I'll never understand my wife.

She alphabetizes her spices, washes dishes before sending them through the dishwasher, and sorts laundry into different piles before throwing it into the washing machine. Can you imagine?

She wears pajamas to bed. I didn't think anyone in North America still wore pajamas to bed. She has a coat that makes her look like Sherlock Holmes. "I could get you a new coat," I offered. "No. This one was my grandmother's," she said, decisively ending the conversation.

Then, after we had kids, she acted even stranger. Wearing those pajamas all day long, eating breakfast at 1:00 p.m., carrying around a diaper bag the size of a minivan, talking in one syllable paragraphs.
She carried our baby everywhere - on her back, on her front, in her arms, over her shoulder. She never set her down, even when other young mothers shook their heads as they set down the car seat with their baby in it, or peered down into their playpens. What an oddity she was, clutching that child.
My wife also chose to nurse her even when her friends told her not to bother. She picked up the baby whenever she cried, even though people told her it was healthy to let her wail.
"It's good for her lungs to cry," they would say.
"It's better for her heart to smile," she'd answer.

One day a friend of mine snickered at the bumper sticker my wife had put on the back of our car: "Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Is a Work of Heart."
"My wife must have put that on there," I said.
"My wife works," he boasted.
"So does mine," I said, smiling.
Once, I was filling out one of those warranty registration cards and I checked "homemaker" for my wife's occupation. Big mistake. She glanced over it and quickly corrected me. "I am not a homemaker. I am not a housewife. I am a mother."
"But there's no category for that," I stammered.
"Add one," she said.
I did.

And then one day, a few years later, she lay in bed smiling when I got up to go to work.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing. Everything is wonderful. I didn't have to get up at all last night to calm the kids. And they didn't crawl in bed with us."
"Oh," I said, still not understanding.
"It was the first time I've slept through the night in four years." It was? Four years? That's a long time. I hadn't even noticed. Why hadn't she ever complained? I would have.

One day, in one thoughtless moment, I said something that sent her fleeing to the bedroom in tears. I went in to apologize. She knew I meant it because by then I was crying, too.
"I forgive you," she said. And you know what? She did. She never brought it up again. Not even when she got angry and could have hauled out the heavy artillery. She forgave, and she forgot.

Nope, I'll never understand my wife. And you know what? Our daughter is acting more and more like her mother every day.
If she turns out to be anything like her mom, someday there's going be one more lucky guy in this world, thankful for the shelf paper in his cupboard.

now isn't that jus the sweetest thing? it warmed my heart at the end of a torturous day. (:

8:32 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Sunday, April 03, 2005

when i say im a christian...

im not shouting, "im clean living",
im whispering i was lost,
now im found and forgiven.

i don't speak of this with pride,
im confessing that i stumble,
and need Christ to be my guide

im not trying to be strong,
im professing that im weak,
and need His strength to carry on.

im not bragging of success,
im admitting that i have failed,
and need God to clean my mess.

im not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are far too visible,
but God believes i am worth it.

i still feel the sting of pain,
i have my share of heartaches
so i call upon His name.

im not 'holier than thou',
im jus a simple sinner
who received God's grace, somehow.

1:06 am
mayhemisphere;
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