Saturday, January 29, 2005

i'm at a loss. i don't know how to protect my best friend from being hurt. it pains to see her go through so much heartache and pain, and yet the only solution to her pain would be the one causing it. it's such an irony isn't it. i'm caught in such a dilemma... i don't want her to be hurt anymore... but... sigh. each time i see a situation crop up between them, my first reaction would be to go to the person and give him a big telling-off. my mind flashes back to the instant when i was in shanghai, in the living room of my mum's apartment, seeing how he promises to take the best care of our best friend. months down the road i see my best friend being hurt and hurled with unnecessary stress and trauma. wished i could take the pain off her, but there's nothing i can do. well, other than be there for her. though the decision she make might not be the one i want for her... i know i will be there for her no matter what the outcome might be.
girl... i love you so very much! and the last thing i wan is for you to be hurt so much. i've seen you cry these short few months more than i've seen you tear for the past 5 years added altogether. i really do hope and pray that this is a transitory period that you (and him) will tide over, that things will really turn out to be for the better. i just wan you to know that me (and the other 2) will be here for you no matter... and we will be here to love you no matter what too! you can count on us to be there for u. our friendship is not fei de. ai ni!

1:45 am
mayhemisphere;
........
Monday, January 24, 2005

i don't know. been looking forward to the outing with the girls throughout the whole day today. everything went pretty well and without a hitch... until of course, the end. just when i thought i was getting somewhere, and was beginning to cope with it... it came back to haunt me. again. it just sucks, it really does. i guess nobody really understands other than God. sighs. sometimes i just wished things wouldn't have to be like this. wished i had a choice about this... but well i don't.

10:05 pm
mayhemisphere;
........
Wednesday, January 19, 2005

jesus didn't quite. but don't think for one minute that he wasn't tempted to. watch him wince as he hears his apostles backbite and quarrel. look at him weep as he sits at lazarus' tomb or hear him wail as he claws the ground of Gethsemane.
did he ever want to quit? you bet.
that's why his words are so splendid.
"it is finished"
stop and listen. can you imagine the cry from the cross? the sky is dark; the other two victims are moaning. the jeering mouths are silent. perhaps there is thunder; perhaps there is weeping; perhaps there is silence. then jesus draws in a deep breath, pushes his feet down on that roman nail and cries, "it is finished!"
what was finished?
the history-long plan of redeeming man was finished. the message of God to man was finished. the works done by jesus as a man on earth were finished. the job was finished. the song had been sung; the blood been poured; the sacrifice been made and the sting of death removed. it was over.
a cry of defeat? hardly. had his hands not been fastened down i dare say that a triumphant fist would have punched the sky. no, this is no cry of despair. it is a cry of completion, a cry of victory, a cry of fulfilment. yes, even a cry of relief.
close to quitting? pleast don't. discouraged? hang in there. weary with doing good? do just a little more. pessimistic about work? roll up your sleeves and go at it once more. can't resist temptation? accept God's forgiveness and go one more round.
remember, a finisher is not one with no wounds or weariness. quite to the contrary, he is scarred and bloody. God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful. the fighter, like our Master, is pierced and full of pain. he, like paul, may even be bound and beaten.

but he remains

school has been tough. jc2 is not for the weak. it's for those who are weak but are willing to depend on God, it's for those who are unable but see their God of impossibilities. it's for those who remember to call on the name of the Lord to be saved. it's for those who hang on to the name "jesus" for dear life just to make it another step, another minute, another day. it's for me. don't think for a minute i'm not tempted to throw in the towel and say "i can't do this." just look at me fight the sleepless nights, the endless tutorials and assignments. but jesus is my perfect example. he's my perfect example of a finisher who remains until the very end. and i will model after my jesus. though i'm discouraged for my lack of concrete knowledge in what i chose to pursue; though i'm jeered constantly by hostility that roams the air each day, i hold dear the name "jesus" and his promises. his promises to never leave me nor forsake me, his promises to save me when i call upon him, his promises of everlasting and unconditional love. i hang on for dear life to his name.

8:35 pm
mayhemisphere;
........
Saturday, January 08, 2005

my feet are hollering at me right now, "you idiot, you overdid it today!!" lols. man i walked so much today! from aj to the blk 500s... then over to 575... then round the bends to ave 10 and down beside nyp.. and back into aj. and then today somemore go gai-gai downtown. i think my feet hates me, lol. didnt manage to buy any proper new year clothes lehh... whereas my sis really blew it. wahh u wldnt believe how much she spent in a single shop within that time. i shant disclose the amount... or else she'll kill me. and one more thing... neva, ever put me in an adidas shop when im not in a good mood. me + impulse = disastrous. mum will probably kill me too if she finds out that i spent money buying sports apparel instead of "proper clothing", as according to her. dun care... my dressing is not old-fashioned... adidas is not! wahaha. but i will lah, i will buy proper clothing... but no time now... busy like anything. cows... first day of school nia i visited the library thrice to do work and research. and the whole of this week i spent 12-hour days in school. sia lah! bu ke yi! buay sai! how can! but at least i survived, i did. and im really thankful that mag low is teaching my class. i really like her. (: and besides, history is surprisingly interesting even though we're back to coldwar history. (coldwar=sian; sea=yays!) though school's been alright, its been real hectic. real real hectic. barely have time to breathe (nor blog!), and now it's jus a short breather too. gonna be another busy weekend with the volunteering and memorial service to attend. well, like i say... i survive by the grace of God - His joy is my strength. (x

1:15 am
mayhemisphere;
........
Friday, January 07, 2005

1. ~~a moment to remember~~
2. ~~cryin out luv in e centre of e wrld~~
3. autumn in my heart
4. full house
5. all in
6. desperate hsewives season 1
7. sweet 18
8. sang doo! let's go to sch!
9. pride
10. ~~dae jang geum~~
11. ~~love story in harvard~~
12. lost season 2
13. desperate hswives season 2
14. stairway to heaven
15. ~~prince of tennis~~
16. qing shen shen yu meng meng ;)
17. ~~c.s.i season 2~~
18. ~~c.s.i season 3~~
19. ~~HK trip!!~~
20. c.s.i season 4
21. my girl and i
wah. damn busy leh. tsk tsk tsk... how ah? :x

4:07 pm
mayhemisphere;
........
Saturday, January 01, 2005

how could one of the best xmas lead on to one of the worst new year's? i dunno... i mean, its not due to the fact that we even missed the countdown. that didnt matter, cus i've never really given a hoot about countdowns. no meaning at all one. but it jus felt so, so, sad to be ignored all night. but im fine. the grace of God defines me. (i actually put "grace defines me"... but i knew the real grace's head would blow. so yeah... its the grace of God)

3:06 am
mayhemisphere;
........