Sunday, November 28, 2004

x) i declare this the best pic we ever took together

10:12 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Saturday, November 27, 2004

wazzup this week
monday:
-~~training 3pm-6pm~~

tuesday:
-~~cs meeting with godma and daniel 9am~~
-~~celebrate jianing's birthday 2pm-7pm~~
-~~dance prac in church 7pm-9pm max~~

wednesday:
-training 3pm-6pm
-cs meeting @ pastor house 7.30pm

thursday:
-national squash championships court 3 1pm
-dance prac in church 7pm-9pm max

friday:
-training 3pm-6pm
-cell grp @ my house

what a week...

11:44 pm
mayhemisphere;
........

3.43am. jus caught stepmom on dvd, and cried buckets. lucky they dun show jackie dying, or else i'd have cried a river. i dunno, the show jus reminds me of a lot of things. things i went thru... and things i wished were present in my life. i dunno, God made me this way right? He specifically chose the parents i were gonna have, right? but He couldn't have missed out the fact that i wldnt mind if my life came along packed with a complete family. but i guess i jus gotta accept things the way they are. midway i thought He had made up for things with her, but well maybe i was wrong or saw things wrong. jus ended up lots of hurt. loved the way jackie did all those things for anna and ben, especially when she went on riding with them. wished i had it all... wished i had it still. i dun wanna love her any more... but i still. i dun wan to... cus it jus...

3:42 am
mayhemisphere;
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Friday, November 26, 2004

in case none of y'all have noticed, i changed the tattybear pic. i like this one more (tho its still pink) cus it reminds me of the feeling i got when i received my piglet october last yr, jus before i started on the o's. that little-girl feeling. ahhs well. let go now, let go.

2:01 am
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

the disgusting obligations of my life

general paper
1. promos exam essay - terrorism
2. promos exam essay - stress
3. promos exam AQ and summary
4. 3 newspaper articles/week
history
1. 1 history essay - section a
2. 1 history essay - section a
3. 1 history essay - section a/b
4. research/presentation for united nations
econs
1. multiple choice questions - worksheet
2. econs essay - tys pg 308 j2000
3. econs essay - tys pg 308 n2001
4. data response questions - worksheet
5. tys unit 11.1/11.2 mcqs
6. theory of income determination - worksheet
math
1. o/f math assignment - odd questions by 14dec
2. numerical methods grp work - tutorial/mindmap
3. rest of math assignment

there. i've defined in precision the meaning of madness. and this, my friend, is the meaning of madness. sighs.

1:07 am
mayhemisphere;
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Monday, November 22, 2004

do you ever feel like breaking down?
do you ever feel out of place?
like somehow you just dun belong
and no one understands you?
do you ever wanna run away?
do you lock yourself in your room?
with the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming?
do you wanna be somebody else?
are you sick of feeling so left out?
are you desperate to find something more
before your life is over?
are you stuck inside a world you hate?
are you sick of everyone around?
with the big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding

no you don't know what its like
when nothing feel alright
you don't know what it's like to be like me

to be hurt
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked
when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
when no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like
welcome to my life

no one ever lied straight to your face
no one ever stabbed you in the back
you might think i'm happy
but i'm not gonna be ok
everybody always get you what you wanted
you never had to work it was always there
you don't know what its like, what its like

to be hurt
to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked
when you're down
to feel like you've been pushed around
to be on the edge of breaking down
when no one's there to save you
no you don't know what its like
welcome to my life

welcome to my life

1:17 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

still yet to solve the mystery of the trailing ants near my computer. have kept its 10m-radius free of all traces of food lehh, but still... well nvm. i'll get to the bottom of it. utterly exhausted. a day spent at ju-eng home and the rest at hiphop class... im really exhausted.

11:59 pm
mayhemisphere;
........

Lord,

was cleaning up my desk area when came across some old letters and emails. brought back many memories and also got me thinking. i wonder how i would've spent my last 3 years if You didn't woo me back into Your herd. maybe i'll be jus another mugger whose only life definition contains social circles and studies. maybe i'll be a bad kid smoking or taking drugs down the alley. i'll most probably be most different from what i am today. but these 3 years... have i made good use of Your mindfulness upon me? have i come to the purpose for which you have in mind for me? or have i just slipped into the religious act of "playing christian" and "activities"? Father, i wonder how long i will take to reach the mark You have set for me. i know i am impatient, i can't wait to reach my purpose and begin soaring for You. but i've often missed the mark, havent i? and then i'd begin to wonder, am i even worth God's love? those belittling thoughts would soon find its way into my mind and heart. i cannot believe in them, Lord. i must believe in the truth that Lord, You made me because You love me and You made me to love me. i am not small in Your eyes and You love me like there's no other. but Lord... sometimes i jus wanna throw in the towel and say "ok that's it, im not going to try no more". then i'd remember how Lord You neva gave up on me through the years... how You kept me close to Your heart and protected me and poured ur grace upon me. how could i give up on my God when He never left me? i'd never want to leave my Lord. because there's nothing else i need more than Him. help me throw aside all things, Lord... all i want is You.

1:02 am
mayhemisphere;
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Monday, November 15, 2004

today's devotion

i've got it all
but i feel so deprived
i go up i come down, and I'm emptier inside
tell me what is this thing that i feel like i'm missing
and why can't i let it go
i've got the time and i'm wasting it slowly
here in this moment i'm halfway out the door
onto the next thing
i'm searching for something that's missing
i'm always waiting on something other than this
why am I feelin' like there's something i missed

there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me
cuz the more that i'm
tripping out thinking there must be more to life
well it's life but i'm sure
there's gotta be more
than wanting more

there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me
cuz the more that i'm
tripping out thinking there must be more to life
well it's life, but I'm sure
there's gotta be more to life
i'm wanting more

set your sights higher... there's more to life than jus these earthly things. there's heaven.

1:11 pm
mayhemisphere;
........

purify my heart
let me be as gold and precious silver
purify my heart
let me be as gold, pure gold...

refiner's fire
my heart's one desire
is to be holy
set apart for You Lord
i choose to be holy
set apart for You my Master
ready to do Your will

purify my heart
cleanse me from within
and make me holy
purify my heart
cleanse me from my sin
deep within...

1:08 pm
mayhemisphere;
........

i've jus got nothing to blog about... i dunno... these 40 days are important. i jus wanna be focused on God.

1:08 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Thursday, November 04, 2004

ahhs. princessdiaries2 was good. well, not exactly the action-packed good... or the computer effects-filled good... but heart-good. i really loved it... i guess the main reason i loved it was because i really could relate to it. it brought back lots of memories and well, heartache lah. but not as if i relate to being a princess... pls no! u noe how tomboy i am. i'll neva be caught dead in a floor-length dress draped in a tiara. pui! but well... how it was between queen clarisse and mia. two special moments were when clarisse sang the song for mia and then also when both of them walked down the throne room during the coronation ceremony. it jus reminded me of how it used to be... the affection, care and love there used to be. it jus brought tears to my eyes when suddenly all those images and feelings came back. and then... when mia assumed clarisse's crown, it jus all seemed too familiar -- mia inheriting clarisse's throne, becoming an even better ruler than queen clarisse was... ok it all seemd too familiar, jus dat it was all in a different context. and i jus couldnt hold the tears. well i shant elaborate too much cus yeah... i dun really wan u to noe. nobody really noes actually, cus i dun think anybody will understand. they'll jus shove me one side and say "aiyar ur thinking too much into it."

10:08 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

leaps.jumps.relief.and jus allow me to wave a big humongous goodbye to peedubew!! gosh can u believe it? 7 months of toil, trouble, irritation and burden lifted off my shoulders forever!! and i don't care lorr... the batches behind me must go thru pw too! warning to moe: dun u even dare think about removing or reducing the pw workload! let the rest suffer too! let them realize the torment of pw and experience the tough stuff that comes with working with other people. but all in all, pw is over! yes its confirmed and certified... no more pw!

11:15 pm
mayhemisphere;
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