Friday, April 23, 2004

well its almost 230am in the morning and im still mugging away. practising math for later's math test. well actually im not sure whether its counted as part of my final assessment, since its not labelled as an official common test, but instead only as a diagnostic test. but then again, its not about that, its not about whether the test grades wld be accounting for my final year grade. its more of an answer to myself. i chose to do math, even though i noe im not good at math, and i wld most probably have a very tough time handling it. but i chose to do it, and i promised myself i wld give my best shot at it, and not give slip-shod work like i did in st nicks. so i guess because of that, my mind just cant get any rest... i jolly well know that my physical body is badly worn out, especially after the 10-round jog during pe today. but surprisingly, my mind seems to haf command over my body today. well i certainly hope that i'll at least pass the test tmr... but even if i dun, i'd rest assure knowing that im working my best at it.

i still need to get a tutor though. hmns.

2:23 am
mayhemisphere;
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Sunday, April 18, 2004

back when i was a child
before life removed all the innocence
my father would lift me high
spin me around till i fell asleep
then up the stairs he would carry me
and i knew for sure, i was loved

if i could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
i'd play a song that would never ever end
how i'd love, love, love, to dance with my father again

if i could steal, one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
i'd play a song that would never, ever end
cus i'd love, love, love, to dance with my father, again

im in the mood to write a song. i jus wan to go on writing forever.

4:11 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Thursday, April 15, 2004

im forgiven because You were forsaken
im accepted You were condemned
im alive and well Your spirit is within me
because you died and rose again
amazing love how can it be
that You my King would die for me
amazing long i know it's true
and its my joy to honour You
in all i do, i honour You

You are my King
You are my King
Jesus You are my King
Jesus You are my King

9:48 pm
mayhemisphere;
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Saturday, April 10, 2004

it wasnt the nails that held Jesus to the cross --
it was his love

the passion of christ -- the sufferings of christ. it pained to see the slashes of whip rip Jesus apart one by one. it was pure agony, seeing Jesus going thru all that pain, bearing the burden of all my sins, jus to save me. but my tears weren't tears of fear because of the gore... instead, i was exceedingly touched. my tears were tears of remorse, that i had never realized or comprehended that Jesus had in fact went through so much physical, emotional, mental and spiritual torture. it wouldn't have been required, if not for me. somehow i felt that all along, i had taken Jesus' love for granted, something that was only normal. but its not, it's a great gift of grace. i remember Jesus asking the Father if this trauma could pass him by, but despite the immense stress and the knowledge of his impending destiny, Jesus asked that not his own will be done, but God's. how brave and noble is that. Jesus is a good shephard, he lays down his life for his sheep, all on his own accord. but because he had the right to give his life up, he has too, the right to take it back. all along, the story of how Jesus had come on earth as the lamb of God, to sacrifice his life for us -- its been nothing but another story. somehow, over time, i had come to take this great sacrifice for granted. "oh yeah, Jesus came on earth and he died that i may have life." it had always been Jesus dying on the cross. period. no, its not just that anymore. Jesus endured so much unspeakable pain, he being a king, came on earth, he lived to die. to die for me -- and the sins i have on me. his blood has cleansed me of my guilty stains, i am now pure because of my precious Jesus. my Jesus overlooks my failure and my inabilities, he loves me so much that he chose to die for me. his love is incomparable to anything else on earth. his love is higher than the heavens, deeper than the sea and wider than the universe. really, i can't find any words to describe how much Jesus loves each and everyone of us.
i don't deserve his sacrifice, i don't deserve the tears on his face
but i got something i don't deserve, and that's his loving grace

5:10 pm
mayhemisphere;
........